I’m no stranger to meditation. Sitting still, counting breath, not thinking about dessert or sex.
Science boasts the benefits, but I don’t need to see my brainwaves or have cables stuck to my skull to know I just feel better after doing it. One thing I’ve just started to experiment with however, is adding a bit of flavor to my meditations. Okay, not a bit, but a whole spice rack of exciting fantasy.
Rather than a mind of empty thoughts, I asked myself to cram in as much visual imagery of my ‘ideal’ life as I wanted. To my pleasant surprise my imagination didn’t take flight, it strolled down the lane of realism that left me excited when I returned. Imagination really is a preview of life’s coming attractions. The theory of this exercise is to program my subconscious, so I’m in no place to comment on my success unless someone is willing to share my bed to see what I’m blurting out while I sleep. On a conscious level I do feel more motivated and energetic, perhaps simply because I know my efforts are more likely to be rewarded, and what that feeling will be like.
Speculation aside, this is what my visualisation revealed.
I wake each day before my alarm clock. My job provides me with financial freedom and security. This isn’t to spend and splurge. It allows me to look towards the future without a sense of impending fear, knowing if i fall off the tightrope for whatever reason, I have crafted my own net rather than relying on the open arms of others.
The pay is secondary to the reason I work. The company and the job aligns with my values as a person. The person that walks through the doors at the start of the day is the same person who walks out. This means we contribute to society and add value in an honest way. I’ve worked in industries where lying and the pursuit of profits above all are the norm. People have bills, goals, kids to provide for, so I’m not going to judge, but just say that it is not me.
I value my relationship with customers of the work I do and those who I work with. This means respect given and respect received. There are no negotiations on this. Those who know me, know I am caring and compassionate but those who cross me can’t say the same. I’ve been in positions where I’m treated poorly and it just brings out the worst in me. I’m definitely working to change my understanding that the world isn’t fair, especially the working world, and bosses will be bosses but since this my daydream, I have the right to demand differently. My boss gives me the freedom to offer my opinion and like me, respects the importance of asking questions and remaining open minded, knowing that no one is ever always right.
I haven’t said too much in terms of what this job is. I’m open minded if it meets the above criteria along with challenging me, making the most of my strengths and doesn’t consume my life.
This year itself has taught me that I’m on the right track here. My cull has cut loose those who either bring me down or don’t seek to pull me up. I would only make demands on which I can also provide. I’m here to listen to my friends, enjoy their company, respect their values and differences and share their interests. Over this year I’ve realised I simply don’t have enough in common with certain people to validate the strength of their influence and presence in my life.
Friendship is a resource in the sense it is easy to spread ourselves thin. I spent 4 months off social media to know that I prefer quality over quantity. As I became more honest with how I feel with my environment, I began move outwards and open myself to other people. As people left, better comes came in , so I never do or will fear being lonely. Those who I’ve become close to over this year will ensure that won’t happen, and I see a future which consists of more time spent with them and people like them.
The last 3 years has both raised the question of “who am I?” and pushed me to seek answers. I’ve always know I’ve had a creative spark but I just needed an outlet to plug into. I found exactly that through writing, rapping , comedy, dancing, drawing. Tho not turning professional anytime soon, my mindset is to simply enjoy and do more of that which I enjoy. For the process not the outcome. I do see myself at least recording a rap EP, growing this blog, doing another standup gig to improve on last time, designing my next tattoos and joining a social dance crew. I’m also well open to expanding my interests even further into a musical instrument and photography.
Well so far its only been the singular form of relationship. It was one that left me thinking for a long while. In a good and bad sense of the word, but I’m quite proud of how I’ve been able to take an event like a breakup and re-frame it. The time out of relationships has given me a better understanding of how they work, than my time actually in one.
I know who I am, which is the key ingredient. This covers, what I want and don’t. What works with me and what works against me. I’ve met many girls but the right fit just hasn’t happened yet. I see friends seek the comfort of another out of fear, but I seek the companionship out of trust that there is someone out there worth the effort to find and patience to wait.
A good friend who was recently on this path got ‘picked up’. Not in that sense, but she found someone worth sharing this ride with. She attributes it to her manifested intent prior to meeting him, so here is mine.
The right girl for me will be weird and odd.Loud, confident, and laugh as much as she breaths. That’s just on the surface which is no give away for the depth underneath. My curiosity makes me a deep diver and she provides the depth through personality , interests, experiences and opinions that are her own. I share my open waters and before you know it, two streams are running side my side. Overtime they from a river which grows to a ocean which leads us to new places and experiences.
She is no stranger to the darkness, which is why the brightness of the star filled night is enough to make her smile. This means she appreciates more than she demands. Her goal is happiness and she understands that word is hers to define, and not the world’s to lure her with down deluding paths of materialism and vanity. This doesn’t mean she is void of desire, rather full of determination, the difference being a willingness to act.
She understands the importance that we both retain a degree of independence and ambitions. This prevents us from being over demanding on each other and the flame burning out early. We fuel our relationship by the progress in our individual lives, interests and friendships.
Ideally the common ground would be our outlook on life and hobbies such as dancing, fitness , desserts, social causes, self development, traveling and spirituality. Where there are differences, she will be open minded to new things as will I.Differences are part of a healthy joint diet.
Depth aside, the surface has to no doubt be appealing too. I don’t have a exact type, but I love nice eyes with a matching smile. As I am quite dedicated to my fitness, I like a girl that mirrors that in a healthy manner. I am realistic, and know the girl that looks too ‘fake’ will be that way on the inside too.
It may be too vague, but I have a saying that chemistry is hard to define but easy to recgonise. Love is friendship that has caught on fire so I’ll just look for the smoke.
I don’t dream about a big multi level house. I dream about a place I can just call home. I appreciate minimalism and hope to proceed in that direction with my finances and lifestyle. I comfort on a minimal level and know that beyond a certain point more is not more. I’ll be spending the next year working and living overseas, something I never saw coming. So I won’t limit myself to say I’ll always be living in a certain place. I have a desire to see part of the world, but I’m not sure where ‘home’ will be. I know I like it here and can’t fault my home country so I am happy either way.
Most people view the working life as something to escape, but I would rather not work towards getting away, but being involved in something I don’t want to get away from. That is a high demand and I hope I keep progressing as a person and become more productive as time goes on. I’m better than I was, but still have those bad days. Seasons some and seasons go. Simply put, I just want to live happily and feel alive. A family may be on the cards, but honestly I know I am far of that mark. Breeding is an animal instinct not an obligation. The only obligation I feel I have is to reach my best potential whatever that may be, higher or lower and help as many others do the same as it’s the only way to others to do it for me.
And now I’m awake.