Hospitals are too white. The lights, the walls, the sheets, the coats – even the smell – are all so pristine. It can be kind of sickening.
It’s important to keep things sterile and simple, but few scuff marks and stains here and there would certainly help to lessen the contrast that otherwise screams and points at the patients who lay in the middle of it all.
At least that’s what I was thinking during my last moments before falling asleep.
I then awoke to a nurse softly repeating my name. After several tests, they still didn’t know what was causing my chest pains and difficulty breathing; but they ruled out the possibly of it being related to my heart. Given my state of delirium, it was then politely implied that there was no emergency, and therefore no need for me to be taking up bed.
“What about my hospital fairytale ending” I asked.
“Well, we don’t know what’s wrong with you, but we found out what’s not wrong.”
I was disappointed. Despite all their gizmos, gadgets, and medical degrees, they had failed me. But as I passed the other patients in the ward, my mind changed as quick as the sheets I was just curled up in. The certainty I wanted could come at much greater cost…
As I left the hospital, I made a mental note to remember what the nurse had said. It was applicable outside of the white walls of the hospital, and in the messy, confusing, crumbled, shit-smelling world where everyday life takes place. (My sour sentiment is the result of waking up in the middle of the night with this unexplained injury.)
Focusing on what’s not wrong, can help us to notice those blessings in disguise, and be a little bit more patient in our quest to have all the answers. Sometimes that answer we want, isn’t the answer we need.
As I write this – the next day after – I’m still pain… but I’m going to live.
There’s a lot of white things in hospitals, but there’s no white lies.
Have you ever been sick or had similar changes in perspective ? Comment below