I’m writing because I’m breathing. Every moment of existence is only expanding the canvas that is our lives. Every moment is a opportunity for me to express my creativity through any faucet it chooses to flow. Writing about my life has essentially kept me afloat. It all started in 2010 in a tiny notepad which to this day almost convinces me I in fact started writing when I was 10. Besides the obvious benefit of legibility, the transition from writing to blogging has given me a feeling that I’m taking action on my ambition to make this world a better place and that I may even become the author of a single sentence that changes the direction of someones life. Having been where I have been, felt how I have felt, I know words may not move or scale mountains, but they can move men, who go onto conquer the mountains.
So all I want to say in relation to my situation of unemployment for the last 3 months, the 100 job applications, 11 interviews, 2 close final considerations, the cancelled holiday to the USA for my bday , the loss of my social life, the $3,000 + of my savings to support myself on $0 income, the sleepless nights, the days of sleeping in, is that the lights are not going out, the fire is burning more than ever. Rather then seek the light at the end of the tunnel, I’ve found ways to light the tunnel.
Metaphorically, if our motivation and spirits is the fire, the common source of fuel would be the things I listed above. But in my situation, just like I’m really out in the wilderness, I’ve had to rely on my instincts and search far and wide. What can I find to keep me warm in this time of need? To keep me motivated. Keep me inspired. Keep me happy.
This is what I found.
I’ve just come back from a well deserved mini break to Byron Bay with my housemates, for what we can only call a 10/10 weekend, seeing a great band and meeting a bunch of tourists that joined us on the beach for a fire and round of drinks. I’ve found a new perspective on adversity through Nichiren Buddhism and the book ‘The Undefeated Mind’. I’ve discovered my ability to adapt to different situations. I’ve found I have friends and family who have more faith in me that I sometimes do myself. I’ve found new ways to add value to the world by volunteering with three non profit organisations.
I’m going to try stand-up comedy for my bday, something I first thought of a few years ago and never acted on. I’ll be going to a Buddhist Retreat on my own up north to get some peace , meditate and reflect on the past 26 years. I’ve had a consultation for my next tattoo and I’m proud to have designed it myself, giving me more reason to get a job and save the $500 required. Any feelings of powerlessness or failure ,have actually become of benefit in the gym, emotional alchemy allows me to turn pain to strength. I’ll be seeing one my favourite bands Hatebreed next month, and that festival will give me a chance to show everyone just how hard i’ve been training.I last saw this band in 2012 when I was also in the pits of anxiety, feeling I wasn’t going to make it through a course i was studying at the time. In the first weekend of the course Hatebreed played and their song “Die Hard as They Come” echoed through my mind of the next 3 months to pull me through. Seeing them again will be a chance to top up my determination. This extra spare time has also given me the chance to learn new skills that while working, I wouldn’t have had the chance to acquire, now they could really change my career prospects for the better.
I don’t know when I’ll be let back into the establishment of a normal working and social life, the doors could open tomorrow, next week or next month. I just know that in the darkest of times, if we search far enough, there are many ways to keep the flame burning and darkness at bay.