I started this year with a solo podcast episode in which I discussed my goals for 2025. I also promised to check in now and then, which is the purpose of this post. It will be a bit of a dear-diary, so please don’t feel pressured to stick through it. I’m mostly writing this for self-accountabilty. But if you do read it, by all means, leave a comment with your thoughts.
To start, I want to state I’m writing this at 3 pm after waking up at 1. I’m exhausted after some back-to-back days between unexpected circumstances happening to someone close to me, managing a crisis in my youth work role, and a night out seeing a comedy show. I’ve also since received news that my future in my youth work role is uncertain due to larger organisational changes. Topping it all off, the real estate agent notified us about the owner’s plans to move back in. So we have to move out in 4 months.
Damn.
The year which was meant to be about taking control, is now hitting me over the head with the fact that control is something I don’t have.
The following quote comes to mind:
Sometimes life just keeps fucking you, and all you can do is change position.
I first scribbled this in my journal sometime in 2015. And I’ve since shared it with others who have passed it on. I don’t know why, but when it rains, it really pours. These moments are similar to when it storms. The darkness is all-encompassing. You can’t see anything else. But if you zoom out, you can see the situation for what it is: a passing season. I reminded myself that his time last year, I was preparing to take 3 months off to travel to see the world. So, in the grand scheme of things, things are good. This is just a pothole on a road that otherwise is pretty smooth.
Sometimes, we’re making huge strokes. At other times, we’re just staying afloat. Now’s a time just for bobbing.
With that out of the way, let’s get to the review.
STARTING STRONG
I came out of the gate really strong. Across January and February, I ticked off some big wins. I smashed through a few chapters in my second book and started the second season of my podcast. I made several updates to my new website: Therapy with Ricky. And I caught up with some life admin, redoing my budget for the year and getting all my hours lodged for my counselling accreditation with PACFA (Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation Australia).
I also tweaked the productivity system I introduced, moving from stamps to stickers to stars. As you can see below, stars allow me to track my output with greater accuracy. I even netted a few elusive blue stars, which equal four gold stars. For my ADHD, dopamine-seeking brain, this tool has made a big difference.
Unfortunately, I fell off. But not completely off the horse. I was still getting shit done, but I wasn’t doing the check-in with myself at the end of the night. I was just rolling from day to day. I did get sick a week into March, which lingered – forcing me to slow down and re-consider what I have to give each day. I like the train of thought that says, sometimes we don’t have 100% to give. We only have 40%. But if we give that, we are still giving 100% of what we have.
My goal for the next quarter, starting with April, is to get back on track with my productivity system. This means time-blocking and setting up my days using Google Calendar and then reviewing them. When things start to stall and feel like a chore, I’ll return to my values and my ‘why’. I’m doing all of this because I want to live a meaningful and colourful life. Pushing myself to grow allows me to experience more and give more to the world. Just like when it comes to hiking, the reward is always at the top of the hill.
I’m also reminding myself that motivation comes and goes like a gust of wind. This is where I’ll turn to discipline, which says: I’m doing this, even if I don’t feel like it. I’ve done a great job of applying this approach to writing my book. Where I used to wait for myself to feel in the mood, I now have a solid routine of waking up, taking my pre-workout or coffee, and then writing for a solid 30 minutes. Some sessions are definitely more fruitful than others, but they all count towards moving the needle. I’m now almost at 30,000 words!
For context, my previous book, Living in Cream, was 10,000 words. So this one is going to be a solid nugget – probably around 50,000. To be honest, there are times when I wonder if it’s a bit self-indulgent to be writing this book. That’s when I remind myself that the purpose of art isn’t just in the outcome, but the process. Regardless of whether people actually read it what I write, I know I’ll emerge from this process better for it.
My friend Ned, also kindly shared the following:
If it’s any consolation, the depth of your self-knowledge and self-understanding is a massive part of why you’re so easy and fun to be around, so the time you spend exploring your own story is always fruitful, even if it’s subtle. And either way, I look forward to reading it.
THERAPY
When I updated my PACFA logs, I clocked myself at 300 hours of client contact. This was a good feeling — a realisation that I’m doing the thing — even though my imposter syndrome does speak up now and then. This is when I turn to the results I produce. For example, in my private practice, I have a handful of clients that I’ve been working with for over one year. Long-term work is something I really enjoy as it allows us to move beyond the initial problem that brought them to therapy and look further into the future. This is something I experienced in my own journey – where starting to ‘work on myself’ at the age of 21 didn’t just get me through the challenges at the time, it set me on a path through life.
One of my favourite things is sharing this fact with younger clients. In addition to being a therapist, my lived experience adds a whole new element to the value I can provide as a role model. As I’ve spoken about in my critique of Andrew Tate, this is an area of growing importance, given the amount of utter toxic shit that young men are being exposed to on social media. I’ve also been sending clients copies of my book, which has been received positively.
Speaking of role models – or heroes in this case – I got to see one of mine: Dr Gabor Mate! His work, especially around ADHD through his book Scattered Minds, has been of great help on my own journey. Professionally, Gabor is a guiding light on how to meet people with compassion while retaining firm honesty where appropriate. The full theatre proved that many others agree! It was so inspirational to see someone in their 80s still working on a cause they’re passionate about.
A fan-boy moment that I have to share is that Gabor actually visited my website and sent me an email! This was to thank me for the card I wrote him. In it, I shared the story of how his work connected me with someone on the other side of the world. In 2018, I found a playlist on YouTube of someone who had compiled together various segments of Gabor’s talks. I reached out to thank the person, Ish, who lived in the UK at the time. We spoke on Skpye and remained Facebook friends from there. Fast forward to my trip overseas last year, I actually got the chance to meet Ish in person! I stayed with him in Portugal, where he moved to open his own retreat centre in the hills of Porto called Lighthouse Retreats.
Life can be fucking magical.
CELEBRATING MY FRIENDS
On the thread of unexpected turns, I had the chance to revisit a serendipitous encounter I had early in my move to Melbourne back in 2016. I met Matt and Tara at the Mind Body Spirit convention after recognising a band tattoo on Matt’s forearm. That spontaneous conversation started a blossoming friendship that sprouted a new flower when I was the best man at their recent wedding. It was Lord of the Rings themed and held in the castle. Where the status quo is suits and dresses, it was so cool to see my friends put their own spin on things. Makes me think about all the other ‘rules’ that are worth breaking.
Giving a speech was a chance to recognise them both for the ways they have really grown over the years. It also allowed me to share one of my gifts, not just with them but also with the wider community of people I now know. I’ve come to know so many talented and widely different people over the years. And especially as I attend festivals and doofs, there are always new people to meet. It can be a bit overwhelming at times, which is when I remind myself to go easy on myself. With my extra jobs and creative projects, I can’t be everywhere at once. But I do want to pick some priority social events to attend over the next few months.
Here’s a photo of the magical day, with credits to Wedding Shots Photography.
CAMINO
As I mentioned, I’m closing in on one year since heading to Europe for the Camino, plus extended travels. Thinking about it feels surreal. I try to locate that feeling of being on the open road, but I can’t seem to get there. It’s really something, like most of life, that you can only live in the moment. I shared this with a client who has also done Camino, and recently went on a hike in Japan, and he completely agreed.
Making a combined photo album was a great chance to reflect – especially since there was a whole stack of photos my partner had taken of me that I hadn’t seen (one of my favourites is below). I think about the freedom, the simplicity, the connections made, and the feeling of triumph at the end of each day. But I also have to remind myself that everything looks rosy when looking back. We tend to only remember the good times. When, at times, all I wanted on the Camino was to be done! Especially the last week when I got bitten by bedbugs. It really did drain the joy from finishing.
In trying to “wrap up” and integrate my Camino experience, I read somewhere that while the walk ends, the internal journey keeps going. I found this helpful, taking off some of the pressure I was feeling. It also means that when I go for my daily walks, I take this time as an opportunity to think about the Camino and tap into the same feelings I had while on The Way.
TREATING MYSELF
After following tattoo artist Ben Smith, for several years, I finally got some of his work. This is a Sri Lankan Raksha mask. Raksha means demon, and despite the scary appearance, the masks are intended to ward off evil. This one in particular is Mayura Raksha, which is believed to bring peace, harmony and wealth. In addition to my Sri Lankan heritage, these themes also appealed to me. The tattoo celebrates all the hard work I’ve put in to improve my financial position and move into a mindset where I feel secure enough to treat myself to the finer things in life, like a tattoo from a top-tier artist. I also purchased a new gaming PC – which is a hobby that my inner child is very happy to be back into.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
With Winter not far off, I know the mornings here in Melbourne are going to become challenging. Since I don’t have to commute, it’s almost too easy to stay snuggled up in bed. I want to keep getting up early. It’s important because it allows me to fit in some morning writing and a workout. Having both of these ticked off really sets me up for a good day. As it gets colder, exercise becomes even more important for the happy chemicals in the brain, which definitely take a hit as the sun disappears.
My priority will be securing a new place to live—Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and all that. But before that was dumped on my already full plate, I had the following goals on my list.
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- Posting more social media – content related to my therapy
- Promoting my therapy business in the local area – using the flyers I printed and speaking to local businesses
- Sticking up type-written poetry when I’m heading out to populated areas
- Working on my book
- Recording podcasts with another 4 guests
- Continued professional development (CPD) related to therapy
- Deciding on the next holiday
Now, I’m not so sure what will happen, but deep down, I feel things will be okay. My partner’s parents live in the state, and we know many people should we need help. We also both have more than enough savings to cover all the costs that come with moving. So that’s the practical stuff covered. Emotionally, I feel sturdy. The years I had in 2019 (going through housemates, working while doing my first year of uni) and 2020 (Covid) really showed me how adaptable I am.
I’m going to let myself feel sad and mope – because it does suck and feeling our feelings is important. But tomorrow, I’ll pick myself and focus on the things in my control, taking one step at a time. Thinking of something to lift my spirits and prepare me for the path ahead, the words of Dylan Thomas come to mind:
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
