Despite having this blog, I’m still a very closed person. Everything I say here in honesty is said with the assumption of a feeling of safety and ambiguity behind the disguise of an alter ego. In person, as much as I am open, I am also selective.
I know the difference between who I have, want, and need in my life. I encourage everyone to learn to be able to tell this key difference.
The difference isn’t in how I treat these people specifically, but rather how much I share.
Those who I trust and tell about my blog, I hope they see my willingness to admit my weaknesses and fears as a sign of strength. I also know there are others who see weakness, as nothing more than weakness.
A life story is complex and the cover is never a good give away. Even a short blurb will leave out key details. For this reason, it’s a book better left on the shelf than picked up for a short stint. I only tell my story to those who will listen to the whole thing with empathy , and judgement aside. Most important next to being open minded is an ability to relate and connect.
Just recently, I found out some personal information had got out. Things I perhaps said to the wrong people while intoxicated. After all, they say a drunk mind speaks a sober heart.
At first I felt a strong urge to track down the source. Find out who knew what, and explain myself.
A few people may think of me as pathetic, horribly hung up on a past relationship and still wounded. The truth is everything I do and say comes from a good place. I simply want to stay true to the person I was and maintain an open hand to all those who are close or were close to me. I don’t want to run or move on, I want to heal. Overcome fear, hurt and the human ego.
This is when I made the decision that even if people in the wrong category know more about me than I intended, it doesn’t change how much their opinion means to me. I don’t need to explain anything to them as long as I and those closet to me know the truth.