The snow of sorrow, or the rays or resolution, or even the unconscious hail of uncertainty that beats my thoughts and self esteem beyond recognition. Leaving me feeling more lost than found when I wake up. These are all seasons I have come to identify as my own ever changing nature as a person. Just as last week I battled the worse, this week I welcomed the better. I realied the potential cost of letting go of all that makes me happy can never be balanced by the gain of money, success or anything else I can visualise as a prize for spending any portion of my life as a rat in a race or hamster in a wheel.
The resolution as overplayed as it is, is to hold nothing to the highest value as my own happiness. Not even “success” unless it is a definition pulled from my own pages.
With this mantra, came a surged of motivation. Despite temporary physical illness, my mental state never felt better. I’ve opened a new view hole into myself to allow another to gaze in. The opinions, a combination of my own and offered, have already helped substantially. Previously solidified concepts are going to loosen, and I look forward to rebuilding my mindset to a stronger structure which reflects the physical stance others see and admire and often mistakenly assume a complements a matching interior.
From here on, I will take advantage of the light. Be productive with the gift of time, taking steps and also responsibility. With a blueprint set, I’m looking at the better future that will be the past I take shelter under come the next seasonal change. The photo attached was taken during a holiday two years ago now. While the sun around me was setting, I felt a rise within. It was the familiar feeling of passion and love arising. Dance, writing and recording. If the sun was glowing combination of all positive emotions, I had just discovered three new planets in its orbit. While I had turned a blind eye recently and realised the effect on how I felt, I am now peering at them closer than ever through the telescope of my concentration. I know at times it will be hard to keep focus but man once said the same thing about landing on the moon.
The weather may change, but my attitude about won’t.