Just don’t lose…

Just don’t lose hope – Mum

My mum left the country to spend a month with her sister overseas. I couldn’t wait to have her on that plane. I know how happy it makes her, and that is all I want from her, and everyone else. Be happy.

Before she left, her words on my current situation were as above. Normally she would pull ‘god’ into it and made an attempt to covert me to Christianity. Her attempts would be always surprisingly full of optimism, as if over the last 8 years, she hadn’t heard me refuse on multiple occasions in a combination of both polite and aggressive tones.

This time, she spoke my language. It wasn’t a vocal rehearsal of the moves I should be making in this dance of uncertainty. Apply for job A, apply job B, cover letter for job C. Call A, attend B, get feedback from C, and so on. The process is fairly regimented, but the uncertainty comes into things as I have no idea when the music will stop playing.

I’ve trained my ears have become to familiar with the sound of my own self pity. If the internal mental soundtrack does not play, then I find myself whistling the tune. Beyond all this, I know I am nearing the point of ‘all I can do’. Across that line is “now what’.

While I’m trying to find directions to lead me elsewhere, I feel what my mum said in the meantime is more than enough to at least keep me on my feet.





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