Nearing the End

It took a few hours, but we eventually reached the summit of Mt Kosciuszko, Australia’s highest point. The view was well worth the trek. With the addition of campfires and good company, it was a great way to spend the Easter break. Unfortunately my holiday high was short-lived. I came crashing down with the news that my employment contact won’t be renewed after its one year term.

From very uneasy beginnings, things have really turned around over the last 10 months – which only made the impact more intense. First on the scene was a victim mentality. Pointing out how my life revolves around a narrative of making sacrifices and starting over.

But, I am proud of the effort I’ve put in. My enthusiasm grew with the challenges I faced. I anticipated good things ahead in both my work and personal life.

Now I’m not so sure. For most, their main concern would be their financial security. I worry, but I don’t fear going broke. I fear breaking. I fear slipping, like a silk glove, back into those feelings of melancholy that pummel like clenched fists until I admit defeat.

Uncertainty is never easy to digest, but I’m taking it well – condoled by a conscience at ease. This was beyond my control. Funding issues are part of the non-profit industry; I did what I could.

I expected more, but just like Tonga, this has been a great life experience. From living in one area my whole life, I’ve since crossed oceans and state boundaries, so I know how vast and full of possibly the world is. Part of me is… excited!

But picking up and leaving isn’t that easy.  It comes with saying goodbye – something I’m not ready for. Not yet last least. Just like in Tonga, it was hard arriving as a stranger, and it will be harder leaving as a friend to a good number of wonderful people.

As for me? As suggested, instead of running to the ‘next thing’, I might take some time to reflect on the last 10 months.

I already recognise that I don’t need a job were I make a difference; I need a job that allows me to make a difference. I want to take my ‘passion projects’ more seriously from here on.

From connecting with others (online and in person), I’ve learned that I’m not alone in doing so. I’m not the only one trying deliver that ‘something more’.  An unsung song of sorts that we hum under our breath but dare not take to the stage. Simply embarking on this mission doesn’t ensure completion, but there’s certainly no shortage of company.

As repeated as it is, it’s all about perspective. We can set our gaze on what we’re getting further away from or closer towards. I do believe there’s something ahead.

Determination and delusion are both adequate fuel sources. We just have to keep keeping on. While worrying less about what’s over the horizon, and more about our very next step.