“Reflections of of laughter, recall that sense of wonder, when nothing else seemed to matter” – Being as an Ocean
This visit isn’t like the rest. This time — for the first time in 4 years — I’ll be in my childhood home and city (Brisbane) for more than a week.
Everything remains familiar — from the back street shortcuts to the creaking in the backdoor steps. I wonder if I’ll ever feel like a stranger here. Because I’d like too. I’d like to feel like the person I’ve since become, rather that shrivelling back to old mentalities.
My muscles tighten and my breath becomes shallow. Sadness still stains this city, this house, my room. There was a period that was incredibly difficult for me, and what saved me was my volunteer assignment overseas. Since then, I’ve been blessed to have the opportunity to move twice (Sydney and Melbourne) — allowing me to keep exploring, growing and learning.
And a key learning has been that, the way forward sometimes means going back.
That’s why I’m here. Not just for an upcoming operation, but to take another look at these lingering feelings. To visit my younger self with the compassion and knowledge of an older adult. To rewrite that old narrative that still, to a degree, is leading my life today.
I’m also now 30 which comes with its own changes. I’m once again learning how to fit into this world — just like I did when leaving my teenage years. There are things of my youth that I have to let go off, but there’s also things I’d like to keep — the things that have always made me, me. As we get older, we can forget who we are, but recalling the time we felt really ourselves — often in our younger years — is great way to find our way back.
There’s a childhood photo album that shows my smile and cheekiness, page after page. There’s a pile of journals from my 20’s that detail my will to persist and dream of bigger and better things. And there’s now another book for me a write…
Home will continue from where my last book ended. It will cover my volunteer assignment oversees, my moves to Sydney and Melbourne to work in the mental health field, my gruelling trek through the Himalayas, and my recent diagnosis with ADD (attention deficit disorder). Like my last book, I’ll be telling my story, but with every intent of helping the reader on their journey. Let’s just not call it a self-help book okay.
To stay in the loop and receive my last book, Living in Cream — a metaphorically messy guide to a sweeter life, visit: http://eepurl.com/RxP5f
